BMT Day +112: In Transition

Something about today erases the past. I guess that is the definition of a cleanse. We were fortunate enough to have received just that today both physically and spiritually. It’s hard to find all the right words to describe it so I’ll try my best with sharing.

Yesterday, during the neurology consult where two doctors, a med student and a technologist were in our small hospital room examining our‪#‎LukaTheLion‬ and setting up his EEG. There was certainly a lot of energy and Luka just sat absolutely still. I was cornered behind a chair, person, and crib when Dr. Philip motioned for me to leave the room and come with him in the hallway. So I blindly followed and climbed over the rocking chair with a clean dismount to everyone’s surprise (thank you yoga for the balance training). When went out of the room, I spit out, “is there something bad?” The answer was a quick no. I stood in a circle with Dr. Philip, his med student shadow of the week Alonna who has the brightest future, and a short woman with the tallest stature I’ve ever seen, the Cancer Support Program’s massage therapist, Stephanie. They all looked at me, during a particularly emotional and frantic moment as I’d just had to explain our lives over the past 5+ years and go over each pregnancy and Luka’s medical past, and all the things we take for granted that he now isn’t doing. As you can imagine, when you re-live all of this over and over it makes you wide open to genuinely positive experiences and people. Like the medical questions and answers force you to live in vulnerability and also face it robotically. I was informed in the circle that they were arranging for me to have a massage at 9:30 am the next day. A child life specialist would come sit in the room with Luka. It was all arranged. The team would round early so I would know the plan for the day. I don’t know what it’s like to win the lottery or have Oprah tell you that you get a car, but that’s exactly how I felt. I uttered, “That’s not something bad. This is something good!” I think I cried, too. I think they smiled and reassured me it was all true. It was the nicest gesture that I can think anyone or group of people have coordinated to help us in this kind of unexpected way. Perhaps it was partially part of the surprise that UNC Health Care employs someone for this purpose. My heart was so grateful, yet at the same time it did sink in how big our lion’s medical situation has gotten.

So, this morning after rounds it was decided that he’d get the IV steroids to better cover his brain and three anti-virals to be aggressive since his encephalitis (inflammation of his brain cause by the virus) just needs more. Our lion continued to not interact, talk, you name it — except for a clap of hands and touching buttons on the thermometer for our absolutely wonderful night nurse (whoo hoo!). He sat placidly for the child life specialist reading a book while I headed for the massage.

Turns out that Stephanie also does energy work which was quite fascinating as it was my first formal experience. I ended up getting “cleansed” since intuitives need this (apparently that is me). During the experience, I saw a mountain we were climbing toward a light flashing, we reached it, and came down home which looked like like our physical family home but also seemed like there was a question of which home (you know, where people “come on home”), and then a butterfly.

We talked about Luka. How his name means “light.” Maia and her meaning of “illusion” which can be interpreted as of this world, a la Mary. Maks and his sacrifice. How it’s all connected. This medical mystery on top of all the mysteries and how all those other times our lion’s playfulness and personality stayed essentially in tact. Stephanie offered to come see Luka and do a cleanse and energy work, for which I responded, “can you come now?”

The whole experience made my heart happy. It was calming and positive, but mainly reaffirming. Luka continued to be in the state he’s been in, but with the crystal and her energy work over his chakras, he seemed very peaceful and open. At one point, we had a love circle around him, Stephanie, Zach and myself holding hands and he was in child’s pose lying down in the middle. While Stephanie was essentially saying a prayer of love and healing, Luka sat up by himself like a proud lion. I didn’t realize that her eyes were closed and she didn’t physically see it. There was a lot of beauty in the experience, and our lion ended up peacefully falling asleep. At one point there did feel like a lighter feeling was in the room.

The biggest take always were the positive impact that love has — which we thank you all for making this larger love circle around us, Maia and Luka. And, that our lion’s sense of self (heart) and third eye (brain) chakras are disrupted which are affecting his second chakra, the voice. All of which we certainly have medical evidence for — just ask the cardiology and neurology teams. Since Luka is in an extreme state of transition in his very young life, these are all things he feels in his heart. Just ask his transitioned blood type, among his donated bone marrow and probably much, much more.

The highlights for today beyond the cleansing are: our lion stood twice and was stronger in his body movements, he put his hand in applesauce which seemed like he may have tried to feed himself, and his vitals are looking a lot better while he sleeps. He did have another irregular heart rhythm, but it only lasted 9 beats and resolved itself. He’ll have another 24 hours of the EEG (hence the hat) but nothing major stood out from today other than what is try local with brain inflammation.

In the meantime, we continue to have a giant love circle around our lion as he transitions and gets rid of this virus, especially in those three so very important energy sources of the body: brain, voice, and heart.

And, do you see that reflection of the butterfly painted on the ceiling?