BMT Day +120: Without You, It's Just Words

I’ve had many different people ask me questions recently that get at their curiosity about my writing process. I wish I had a secret, but I don’t. I honestly just write what I see, hear, feel, and think about. The boring truth is these words are just a reflection of me and how I experience and process the world around me. My biggest worry is that I won’t do justice to our ‪#‎LukaTheLion‬ and how he processes and experiences his world, especially since right now he doesn’t really have a say in what I share. (Perhaps one day the posts will be from him.)

As such, my biggest goal is to honor our lion and our family by sharing our lives with those of you who care deeply by doing so in a way that is open and honest, yet at the same time respectful of our lion’s privacy. Early on in his life, we kept things quieter — mainly since we didn’t really know where everything was going and the timing didn’t feel right. We still don’t know where everything is going (one never does), but it certainly now feels right to share. These days leading to his bone marrow transplant, and now 120 days after have been made lighter by the love and support of everyone who participates in our life, many of whom through reading these daily updates from near and far.

Some have asked if it helps or hurts to write and rehash the day. Writing and sharing these daily reflections have by far been one of the best things that has ever come out of all this — the community that revolves around our #LukaTheLion is the most loving circle I’ve ever experienced. It’s an honor to be in it with you all and writing is something that helps me process the world around me. Sometimes when the words come out through typing, I understand things in a way that brings clairvoyance and meaning that I didn’t have before. And your caring is a back and forth relationship, so sharing our lion’s experience helps it come full circle. Without you, it’s just words.

Positives of the day include a lion reaching for his meds and signing “more please,” grabbing bacon off my plate and a pumpkin muffin from my hand, and continuing to interact visually more. Oh, and this family photo. Don’t mind that Maia had a phone call to take.

Our lion doesn’t have EBV in his blood; however, the HHV6 virus is back in the blood. It doesn’t change his current treatment plan and the viruses will be re-tested on Monday. As one of my favorite writers, Kurt Vonnegut, so eloquently wrote and as re-told often by Zach, “So it goes.”

Thank you for the greatest gift of your love for our lion. By reading, you are helping to form a circle of love.